Yay for Titties and Twirling Gussets

Having a crisis? Been dumped? Trouble at work or school? Jaw click when you chew? Daddy or chips? Babs and Belle will sort you right out. DEAR TITTIES has arrived.

There is no doubt that the problem pages of the national press have been in turmoil since the "Dear Deidre Dingbat Doobage Debacle." (This may or may not be true) Dear Titties is next evolution of Agony Aunterie and has been nominated for a multitude of awards including "Anusol's best use of Century Gothic in a pink blog" and "Blunt Instrument International's best use of the word 'Titties' in a website with no pictures of titties." (This also may or may not be true.) High praise indeed.

So email your woes in and let Babs and Belle strip your problems naked, smack them upside the head and send them packing, leaving you frolicking with glee.

In other news... I fell over twice today and have a big hole in my hand. It took me four seconds to fall over the first time and my entire street saw me. I swore quite a lot. I saw the funny side after my homicidal rage subsided to its normal level. Nobody saw me fall over the second time but if they had they would have been perplexed to hear me utter "not again" on my way down before I swore lots again. Hooray for twirling gussets and ice. That is all.

EDIT- Lawks! Look at this. Russian Roulette for the kiddies. Top idea. I've heard a rumour that they may release a version with hollow-point hippo feet for extra splatter.

IT'S SNOWED!

Yay! I took a few pictures of my garden and my street and threw a few snowballs. I went in the local supermarket on my way home from work. It's normally about 3 minutes drive from my place. It wasn't snowing when I went in and when I came out it was white. It took me 30 minutes to get home. Going up and down hills is 'fun' in a rear-wheel-drive mid-engined motor...








I think I'll be calling in to work and saying I'm snowed in. I live in a cul-de-sac at the bottom of a small but steep hill. If it's slippy now, wait until a freezing night passes...

Gonga

Jay and I went to The Joiners in Southampton to see Hooker, Red 5 and Gonga play. I'd never been there before and I wish I'd known about it 12 years ago. It's a pub with a stage out back. It seems to be a respected venue for up and coming bands and they had posters of previous band who had played there including the likes of Coldplay, Oasis, Reef, Cooper Temple Cause and Kills.

First band was Hooker. (Hint: Don't type that into Google like I just did...) Pretty good sounds, very entertaining and they looked like they were having fun. I'm going to have to find out more about this lot because I was pretty impressed.

Next was Red 5. They looked rather thrown together. The Lead Singer looked like a student. The Bassist and the Drummer looked like they had just come home from working in an accounts department. The Lead Guitarist was in the wrong band totally with his long rocker barnet, rock tats and naked from the waist up. Couldn't find a website for them so I don't know what they're like in the studio but I wasn't overly impressed by their performance. (I actually feel a little guilty saying that because I respect anyone with the balls to go stage like that)

Last was Gonga. All kneel at the temple of Black Sabbath! Top Heavy Metal Guitar Action! They were good but I think they were having an off day which is a shame. I've had a listen to some of their stuff since and really liked what I heard. I get the feeling that they would be a lot better in a bigger room.

One last thing.... Jay, GET THE HEATER IN YOUR CAR FIXED! Brrrrrr...

Huh? A Network Called 'Internet'

:: Huh? They do stuff and sometimes they do certain things... but most of the time they just do stuff.

:: An interesting little snippet for you... This is a TV clip of a Canadian news programme talking about this new thing emerging called 'Internet'. There are as many as 15 million people using it. It's 1993.

:: Ever wondered what the average colour of the Interweb is? No? Me neither. But here it is. Rather disapointing, don't you think? In disgust, I've made this section pink.

10 PRINT "MAFFYDOO"

I made this for 4rthur. The font didn't display properly in Photoshop so I used Word and hacked it about. For those who don't know, this is a line of Basic from the good old ZX Spectrum. Ahhhh... those were the days. And I'm chuffed that Munkton used it :)

The Catflap Incident

My Mum is has five cats. They are all very different. Tilly is a moody ginger kitty. Sky is a snobby blue Ragdoll. Mir is an unbelievably cheerful tortoiseshell. Badger is black as the night, the only boy, skinny as hell and a complete wimp. Finally there is Aurora who is a white behemoth and lazy as hell.

Aurora has a weight problem. She is the BIGGEST cat I have seen in ages. There was an incident a few weeks ago. Aurora decided to go outside and have a frolic. There was only the catflap between her and the garden. She had got to such a size that the catflap decided to give up and came right out of the door. Fortunately (or unfortunately for Aurora) my Mum was quick with the camera and caught Aurora on film wearing the catflap. It is now on Rate My Kitten for all the interweb to see.

Aurora is now on a diet and has developed a phobia of catflaps. The catflap is receiving counseling but has resumed its job.

The Sun, Clare Short and Norks

The Sun's treatment of Clare Short is astonishingly bad.

She made a rather ill advised statement that "Page 3" should be banned. I personally think she is wrong and as long as consent is involved, who cares what people read or look at? Who cares if a vacuous airheaded model wants to get her norks out? That's a whole issue on it's own. I also think it tends towards censorship which is a bad thing. This, of course, is not where the big problem lies.

My problem is with The Sun, Rebakah Wade (the editor) and Rupert Murdoch. This "newspaper" freely appeals to the lowest common denominator and unfortunately they have the uncanny ability to work the ignorant masses up into a frenzy of mindless racism, homophobia and the like. Unfortunately for the outspoken MP, they have turned on her just as the matters of student fees and the Hutton inquiry into the death of Dr David Kelly are coming to a head and this sadly takes the emphasis away from these more important matters.

I'm no fan of Clare Short but this has driven me to send an email of support to her. Can you imagine the piles of emails from the idiots just intelligent enough to figure out how the use a computer? Actually, it's probably only three or four...

This post on this little blog in a quiet corner of the interweb will no doubt go unnoticed and the influence of Rupert Murdoch, Rebekah Wade and the tabloids will continue to titillate and lead the dribbling masses by the nose but how long can it last? We all know that it probably remain for a long time but the readership is at its lowest for years as people defect to the mostly harmless Star that doesn't even pretend to be a newspaper and very rarely pretends to be the moral crusader that The Sun so often pretends to be. In fact the Australian equivalent of The Sun folded in the 1980s due to issues very similar to this.

I'm going to keep an eye on this one. I have a feeling that this may get bigger if things continue like this...

</politics>

RIP Blogspeak

The commenting system that I used, Blogspeak, is now pushing up the daisies. It seems that the server it was on was under constant hacker attack for some unknown reason and the host pulled the plug. The comments are going to end up at Haloscan and I'm using a temporary Haloscan account for the time being.

Thanks Harry. It was good while it lasted.

:: Pee your name in the snow! Koala Tea!

:: Did you know that it's Internetional Prune Breakfast Month or that tomorrow's International Peach Melba Day? You didn't? That's not very good, is it. Go here to find out when the National & International Fruit and Vegetable Days, Weeks and Months are. I, for one, am going to make sure I'm in Armenia for August 31st!

:: And the Award for the most creative use of an ALT tag* goes to.... imdb.com. I laughed at this quite loudly...

:: Make your own freaky animal.

:: Wow! Tintin is 75. He doesn't look bad for an old codger.

:: This is VixenLove. Read the logs of poor internet junkies tricked into a relationship with a mindless program.

:: Things Creationists hate.

(*ALT tags make those little captions that pop up when you hover the mouse over a picture)

It's a Jungle Out There

I've been helping Mum and Ickle Sis with thier broadband setup. It did mean that an upgrade to Windows XP was required. So there it was, a brand new virgin installation, completely unsoiled by hookey programs and dodgy downloads. The first thing I do is set up the shiny new broadband connection. It hooks up a treat and all is going tickety-boo. Then everything's gone pear-shaped. The system is spazzing out before my eyes and error messages and strange requests fly across the screen...

Yep... you guessed it. Within 5 minutes of ADSL use, the infamous Blaster worm had found its way onto the hard-drive! 5 MINUTES! After that, there was the quickest install of a Firewall and AV suite you ever saw!

How we laughed!

(Hint: If you get infected, type "c:\windows\system32\shutdown -a" in the run prompt to stop your system shutting down while you're destroying the worm)

Am I a Cynical Stress Monkey?

This is my second day back at work after nearly two weeks off and it feels like I've been away for months. I can't remember anything. I feel really relaxed too. Perhaps this is a coincidence. Do I need to turn into a stress monkey again to do my job? I do not plan on finding out anytime soon.

And another thing... Either I'm getting cynical or there isn't a lot of decent new stuff on the interweb at the moment. I think that's why I've been so quiet lately from a blogging point of view. I am finding all these 'cool' sites but none of them excite me enough to share them with you... ho-hum!

I will share these with you though...

:: I am a bit of a space case. As you may have guessed, I like my rockets and moons and stuff like that. This is Great Images In Nasa and it's chock full of top images.

:: One Hundred 'n' EEEEIIIIIIGHTEEEEEE! On-line darts. Fun!

:: I've been playing a lot of iSketch lately. Just thought I should remind you that it's there. You'll find me under the name of Maffydoo (duh...)