Thursday, May 27, 2004

Do you ever have those days where it feels like all the little mistakes you've made come back to haunt you through people - and you just know that one day they're gonna get together and collectively realise that your an idiot...

If you do, don't worry. I've come to realise people* don't remember my cock-ups as much as I do.

(*people does not include relatives)

Thursday, May 20, 2004

The Planet:Maffydoo word of the day: MINGE

It comes from the old Anglo-Saxon word "MAENGES" which means a gap in the hedge.

Sunday, May 16, 2004


KHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!It is the epitome of William Shatner in the film that is the best thing about Star Trek. For the uninitiated, there is a scene in "Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan" that has claimed a place in Sci-Fi history. The main baddy Khan (Ricardo Monteblan complete with fake chest) has marooned Kirk and his buddies in the centre of a big rock and is sat in orbit feeling quite smug and is mocking him on the communicator.

Kirk: Khan. Khan, you've got Genesis, but you don't have me. You were going to kill me Khan. You're going to have to come down here. You're going to have to come down here!
Khan: I've done far worse than kill you. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her. Marooned for all eternity, in the centre of a dead planet. Buried alive. Buried alive.

I'm not sure on the spelling but that's how it goes off on screen. Ultimate melodramatic Shatner camp acting.

Actually, the original purpose of the post was to link to this which made me laugh like an idiot when I saw it. I digressed a bit. Enjoy.

EDIT: This was in the b3ta newsletter and it looks like the extra visitors broke it...

EDIT2: You have GOT to be joking...

Soap Dodger

I'm going to The Reading Festival. Yay!

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Mars and Venus and all that bobbins

No, this isn't another of my wierd astronomical posts. One of the guys at work emailed this funny little story to me. I'm not even going to pretend to underdstand all that "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus" bobbins (probably why I'm so terminally single... hehe) but I feel it summed it up quite well and it appealed to the twisted part of me a lot.


I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I've never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their hearts. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."


One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, and she eventually said "I don't feel like it; I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not enough in touch with my emotional needs as a woman for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear; let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not enough in touch with my financial needs as a man, for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Hey Hey 16k

:: I went all gooey and nostalgic when I watched this. Pure genius.

:: Have a read of The Man Who Fell Asleep. In fact, I challenge you not to! I wasted far too much time at work today on this site. It's funny in an "oh..." sort of way...

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
She reaches in, and grabs right hold of your heart
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
It takes control and slowly tears you apart

You will ALL share my pain. Praise be to the Lord Phil of Collins for I am told he is good on drums....

(I'm glad to get THAT out of my head.)
This is a better view on the "Blogging Lifecycle" simply for the fact that it appears to be closer to my current situation.

Edit: I know I'm being pretty negative and boring at the moment but I'm exploring this and trying to figure out where my commitment and motivation went.

Edit 2: At least I'm posting again...